im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
pray to the hookup gods
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I need a beard to bite.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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