im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
