New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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