YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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