Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
