woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
