You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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