I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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