My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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