mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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