I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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