I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
