Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
