have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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