just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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