Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize