there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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