So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
