she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
