6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
