You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
