I wish I could punch you in the face.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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