Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
