my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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