I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
