chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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