you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
