ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
