Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ttyl tear gas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
