there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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