i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
