Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize