I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
