I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
