Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think your dad took our porno
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
