we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
