Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
