i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize