I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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