Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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