I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
