You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
