Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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