he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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