Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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