Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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