i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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