My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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