I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
