You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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