I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
