so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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