so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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