So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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