so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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