M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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