When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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