I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
