She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
