I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
