he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
