i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
