So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
