Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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