do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
