Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
