Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
