Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
