worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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