a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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