Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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