at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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