best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
