OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
