So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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