guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
