I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
time to smoke my breakfast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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