hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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