i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
