I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
