i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
