I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
