i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
