I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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