Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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