I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
