Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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