Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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