I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
