I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
