dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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