You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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