shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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