Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
