Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
