What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
