I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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