i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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