did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
