if i can run in heels then i can drive
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
