DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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