At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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