Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
