Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
