I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
