The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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