hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
