She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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