Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
