Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
